Divorce Planner

Confused About Separation and Divorce

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Life can be confusing even when everything is going well.  Experiences leading up to and through separation and divorce are an extreme, where as humans we are often placed in positions for which we have no previous reference.  Relying on the advice of friends and family pushes us in all sorts of directions and can in some cases be good, but in others harmful.

Doing something practical to help sort out what can be done step by step is often invaluable.

However, where to start?

Decide whether you believe there is any chance that the separation and divorce will have any chance of being resolved out of court, in a less confrontational manner.  If so, investigate the collaborative model of divorce, (there is information on my website, www.divorceplanner.com.au).  If this is not realistic, then you will just have to bite the bullet and see a lawyer who is focused more on a confrontational approach to discuss your initial options.

Remember that a lawyer guides you through the process and understands the law.  However, they are not a psychologist, nor are they trained to remodel and optimise your financial situation post-divorce.

Where the children are under stress, it is also important to see a child psychologist early in the process, before you start making mistakes!

Remember that you are in control of your own divorce and if you want to consult with financial planners and  / or psychologists it is up to you to decide.  Don’t be talked out of it.  These other professionals are not a threat to your lawyer, but can provide very positive help to you and enhance the process.

As far as costs go, yes it is more to add on other professionals, but think of the positive outcomes of finding that you can keep certain assets and re-organise, rather than just selling down to cash and losing out to taxes.  Or dialling down the emotions and gaining greater understanding through using a psychologist, which in turn can help avoid going to court, or lessen the time spent on disagreements.

Ideally, you should speak with a divorce financial planner either just before or after you first consult a lawyer.  A psychologist can then be brought in as the changing family dynamics come into play and both parties are in danger of listening to less than neutral advice from friends and family.

Above all, involving a divorce financial planner helps to reduce some of the stresses of the unknown by providing practical solutions.

Can I afford divorce

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Many people stay together because of the children and others also remain as they cannot afford to do otherwise.
The key is to assess whether you can turn your marriage around, or if you are absolutely wasting precious moments of your life.
Often our perception of what we need financially to live on is built up over time. More and more things become indispensable. From private schooling and living in the right neighbourhood, to buying nice food from the local deli whenever we like to not having to think about driving somewhere and the amount of petrol it uses.
It is important to analyse whether in fact many of the problems with your marriage are actually issues with the life that YOU have built around yourself. Your spouse may be just going along for the ride in a lifestyle which has put you on a treadmill that you feel you cannot get off.
By really going through you financial necessities, what you can and cannot change, there is the opportunity to reinvent yourself and get back that carefree feeling you had years ago. It may surprise you, but your partner could breathe a sigh of relief at going back to the basics of what makes you essentially happy.
So, yes, divorce does involve splitting assets and therefore can mean a drop in lifestyle to many. However, to others, who use this as a time to really analyse their lives, it can be used as a positive time of change, potentially bringing along their partners. Then it ends up as “divorcing your cares”, rather than your partner!
By going through the process with a divorce, financial planning specialist, explore these life changes and how you could possibly implement them.

Mortgages and Divorce

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Applying for a mortgage is a slightly nerve racking exercise at the best of times. Getting all of your paperwork together, will the bank reject your application etc.
However, add on the financial uncertainty surrounding a divorce and this makes the process even more difficult.
For example, you may be looking to refinance the family home across to one partner, (and often the one without much income to show the bank).
Or is it purchasing a property as a newly single person, which may be the first time you have made such a purchase for some.
What is absolutely important in each case, is to start researching what you will need to do and this includes talking to a divorce, financial planner as EARLY AS POSSIBLE. (preferably one like myself who is also a mortgage broker)!
Depending on your circumstances, creative ideas and “out of the box” strategies can be drawn up to help you achieve your property purchase or refinance goal.
If left too late in the process, or a simple, “Oh, I’ll just wonder into the bank” approach is taken, it could lead you with very few options.
So, be proactive, just as you will have to be once your divorce has come through. Approach everything step, by step and engage professionals early, (even if you do not end up needing them later).

Planning for divorce

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When you are first thinking about separating there will appear to be some impossible hurdles. How will you get out of it and survive financially? Can I make sure that the children are disturbed as little as possible? These things can go round and round in your head.
This is where a divorce financial planner can help, even before you actually take the step of asking for a separation. By exploring the different paths that the financial settlement may take, you can be better prepared for what is to come.
Creative situations can be found, that better match both partners wants, rather than simply $s on paper. Solutions which disturb any children as little as possible can be worked through.
It may seem cold and calculating to have done this research before you even speak to your spouse, but it can help clear your head and give you less of a sense of feeling trapped.
Sometimes, sorting these things out and realising the amount of freedom you actually have can be enough to actually turn things around and save your marriage, simply because your own attitude and feeling of security / insecurity is addressed.
Whether you are contemplating divorce, right through to settlement and even beyond, it can be extremely valuable to seek the opinion of a divorce financial planner.
I am available for consultation face to face in Melbourne, or via skype if you are located elsewhere in Australia. To contact me please CLICK HERE

Collaborative Practice Divorce

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Divorce is stressful. There is no need to make it highly confrontational as well.

Court led divorces tend to take control out of the hands of the couple getting divorced, leaving a third party (judge), who really does not know their individual needs to impose final decisions.

By contrast, collaborative practice allows a couple to divide the divorce process into a series of meetings, guided by collaboratively trained lawyers and involving financial planners and psychologists where required. Each meeting is designed to address a particular topic important to the couple, also taking into account any children.

It really helps focus on issues that are unique to that marriage and therefore tends to reduce the length of the overall divorce process.

In many cases, one party will want to “just get this divorce over with”, whilst the other party may need to work through unresolved issues.

Collaborative practice tends to cater for both, as the process is often shorter than going via the Courts, but also allows specific topics to be worked through.

Due to the generally less drawn out process, there can also be cost savings, which in turn reduces some of the stress of divorce.

Altogether, unless the divorce is extremely acrimonious, it is worth considering a collaborative divorce.